Lately I have felt like I have been less of a real man. I cry a lot. I am sensitive and emotional. I jump the gun on stuff all the time and I have been taking my medication again trying to correct everything so I can continue on with the woman I love so dearly. And every single time I screw up and do something stupid I feel like a bad man. A bad person. I feel like I have become my real father. I feel like I have become the things I did not want to become. I have absolutely confidence what so ever these days. And when I feel like I am being rejected by the people I am surrounded by it does not help my self esteem one single bit. I feel as if I have lost everything about myself. My purity and virginity were taken from me at a young age. I guess I am scarred for life because of it.
I am not a good man, if a man is what you would call it. More like a child, I guess.
Right now I have no confidence, self esteem, motivation, positive mind frame or self respect. I have come to hate everything about myself, and my past. And I blame myself for everything I have been through. I continued throughout my life digging myself holes and crawling into them. And it looks as though I have done it again. I hate feeling this way.
I think I feel like going to bed and crying. I am sorry everyone - who reads this. Please forgive me for wasting precious minutes of your life reading this blog.
Sorry.
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