Ever feel?...

Have you ever felt left out? Have you ever felt like the 5th wheel that is never used? Have you ever felt like you are being rejected? Have you ever felt like others are embarrassed to be around you in front of others, such as at friends, or in public? Have you ever felt like you do not belong? Have you ever felt like you're trying to reach out for other people's approval but it seems like you're just not getting it, no matter what you do, what you say or how hard you try? Have you ever felt like your lost? Ever felt like your between a rock and a wall? Ever feel like a 'tag-along'? Have you ever felt lonely, depressed, and sad - all at the same time? Have you ever felt like you should deserve to spend time with people you care about, but all the talking in the world does not help? Have you felt as if certain people should stick up for you, but they don't? Have you ever felt all of these emotions, and thoughts at the same time? I have, and do, quite often...

I honestly do not know what I should do, say, or think about things anymore. I suppose I could just 'man up' and forget about it. I mean hell, every close friend I have ever had has either gotten married, moved away, had kids, or died - sometimes all at once...

Terry & Callie got married and live together, and work and all that shit. Never get to hang out with them, except on the phone or online when I get the chance, or the ambition to call or IM them...

Irvin Johnson was murdered by his Father in Law & Mother in Law, because they hated the fact that he got their daughter pregnant. She lives, and so does his son, Connor.

Kris moved to Iowa. I have not seen him in almost 4 years.

Crystal & Steve got married, moved away and had kids.

Derek had a kid, and have not talked to him in a while.

Laura, Steve's sister always hangs out with Crystal and Steve at their place in La Crescent.

Mat, Derrick, and Josh - have no idea where they are at right now.

Ryan, I have not seen Ryan in years. Last I heard he came home from Iraq. No clue.

I never talk to Lisa anymore, or Kayla, or Troy from High School.

Many people who I have known over the years online, have either changed screen names, stayed offline, or hell maybe died. Who knows?

All I have are these idiots in chat, my GF and her kids, and my family. My job, and my school. That's it.

I have no transportation to go visit anyone.

I cant even visit my mom and dad, when I want too.

I feel as if everyone I have ever known as abandoned me, rejected me, left me behind, forgot about me, hate me, don't like me, don't want me near them in front of their friends, and most of all do not care about my wishes, needs or desires.

I honestly feel all alone in this world. And all the talking I have done, to make it better - certain things have improved - but many other things have not.

(Pauses for a few minutes)...

Well, I am officially at a loss for words, right now. I can not think of anything else to write.

Thanks for reading.

Good Riddance!

~Peace~